Bell's Palsy Update - Week 4 Begins

Yeah. It's still here. Like the proverbial house guest who has far overstayed any semblance of welcome...and frankly, there never was anything to welcome about Bell's. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Period.

It was just a matter of time before this happened. And by "this," I mean the Black Hole of Depression.

Yesterday, I took Day 21 pictures (I had documented Day 7 and posted them earlier, but I had neglected to document Day 14). And in reviewing them, I let that small back door to my soul pop open...all my good humor melted, all determination leaked out, and depression came rushing through the cracks. I was, in a word, crushed.

I appear to be the same, as you can see for yourself. It doesn't look like I've made any progress at all. The left side of my face is still paralyzed. My left eye is still drooping. My mouth is still frozen is a half-smile. It's the same sad countenance looking back from the bathroom mirror.

How can that be? I've done the meds, the exercises, the rest periods, the meditation, the eyepatching, the artificial tears, the research, the networking with other BP sufferers, the follow-ups...everything I know to do. And I look the same?

Gloom, despair, agony on me...
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery...

This, my friends, must have been my darkest hour. But, it probably says something about my quirky sense of humor, which apparently had not all melted away as I thought, that I'd think of a song from "Hee Haw" at this lowest of low points.

I took to my bed, covered my head, and tried to ride it out. And, I got up today to sunshine and the feeling of beginning again.

You see, today's my birthday. And I think this may have been a part of the funk I found myself. Yesterday, I was thinking this was the WORST birthday I've ever had...but by the light of morning, I realized it wasn't. I've already done that...and last year, no less.

I survived that, and I'll survive this. I have a wonderful support system, I have the medical care necessary, and I know (in my head, if not entirely in my heart) that it's a matter of time more than anything else I can "make" happen. Actually, as soon as I can accept that there is really nothing I can do to bend Bell's to my will, the better off I will be.

Time. It's all about time at this point. And it apparently always has been...


Estelle's said…
Oh Miss Patricia....chin up lovey! This is just a bump in the road! I want you to buy yourself a new pink blouse and some new "in the pink" lipstick! Take a bubble bath and you will feel like a new beauty! Just remember all the family and friends that love your twinkling eyes and even that tiny little crooked smile....A piece of chocolate cake, along with glass of Pinot helps too!

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