What's a Mess for One?

I miss my Momma. Oh, not in a bad way, really. No, this past week has just had so many reminders of her as a person…and I miss that person.

First, there was one of those “grief ambushes” that my friend LCM wrote me about. An EMGV friend at a recent training session we were both attending, excused herself to make her daily call to her mom who lives in Virginia. The thought “I wish I could call my Momma,” just popped into my head as she walked off, cell phone in hand. My throat closed up, and I had to dash to the bathroom to keep from making a spectacle of myself.


Cold Weather's A-Comin':
Getting the Garden Ready

And then, I worked in the garden all day on Thursday, getting it ready for the cold weather that was a’comin’. Snipped flowers that would be nipped in the frost.  Took more cuttings of coleus and geraniums (see the Electric Lime coleus in the photo to the left.)  Sheared the ferns.  Covered the tender lettuce and spinach with row covers; put straw on the peas and the strawberry plants (which are covered in flowers and berries, if you can believe that). Then, because I seem to have gotten an extraordinary germination rate on the 7-Top Turnip greens, I picked a bagful (left). A mess for me, so to speak. Only…I think I may have overestimated the amount needed for a pot of greens for one person. When I was standing at the sink, washing and picking through that mound of greens, I started to tear up: I’m the only one in the house that eats greens anymore. (Mr. T wouldn’t touch turnip greens…won’t even be in the house when I cook them…not even in the same state, as he says.) I had once made the comment to Momma about this very subject…and now the day has come to pass.  It's a mess for one.

Most importantly, there was the realization that Momma would have LOVED the 2011 World Series. Loved. It. Although she was a Braves fan through-and-through, she had a sweet spot for the Cardinals… especially since she spent almost 6 years as a “local” fan when we lived in Missouri. She thought the world of Albert Pujols, the first baseman extraordinaire, and she would have been proud of his performance. Ditto “Yaddi” Molina, as she called the catcher. But the fabulous David Freese would have struck a chord with her: hometown hero and MVP of the series. And that extra-inning Game 6 that lasted until way past midnight here? She would have been wide awake at the end of it, whooping with the rest of us. She might have slept through the middle, but she would have been there at the end. Woo hoo!

Now, It's a Greenhouse!
The screen porch is transformed...

Sigh. Life moves on.

In addition to getting the garden ready for cold weather, we got the “grow-light” shelf set up in the plasticized screen porch and brought in the herbs. Then we arranged…and rearranged…the plants we plan to overwinter on the floor of the porch, and we set up lights on timers to provide both light and warmth (see the photo to right). Somehow or other, we were able to pack ‘em all in!

I tried something new this year:  I put my geranium cuttings (dipped in rooting hormone; rooted into potting medium in small plastic plant containers) in the big pots, arranged around the trunk of the large plants (the corn plant, the lemon tree, etc.).  Hopefully this will keep everyone happy and moist, without wasting water (or having it puddle on the floor of the porch).  We'll see how it goes.

Treats for the Houndz:
Mr. T hands out carrots to
Elmo (l.), Gus (c), and Duche$$ (r)

It’s the end of October, and time for the treats…hopefully no tricks. Mr. T is getting practice handing out some carrot treats to the houndz in that photo (left). He seems to have their undivided attention!  He's home this week, so I won't be trying to keep the houndz at bay while trying to hand the treats to the kiddos through the storm door...always a trick for me to accomplish.

I had so many flowers that I snipped before the frost nipped the buds that I fixed a vase for the dining room (photo below)…and one to take to Momma’s our family’s BFF AW. She treated us back that very evening with a chicken pie from Deep River Friends Meeting’s Chicken Pie sale. Yummy!  With a salad from some garden lettuce, it made a perfect supper.

New Dining Room chairs...
and the last flowers of the year

 Speaking of the dining room, I took this picture (right) of the new chairs that we found on a recent trip to TJ Maxx’s. We have had this DR suite for 33 years (!), and I still love the warm pecan finish on the table along with the bow-front glass on the doors of the matching hutch. The table has two leaves and can expand to one HUGE piece of furniture.  Amazingly, it has survived 11 (or more) moves...and it still looks pretty good.  And, since it was made by Stanley, it has “come home,” so to speak…since the Stanley Furniture factory used to be in Lexington, NC (no more, sad to say). But, the ladderback chairs have been re-covered for their last time, I think. So I was thrilled when I spotted these upholstered Parsons chairs in a nutmeg color. Mr. T loaded them up into his Outlander (which he is trading in today...time for a new co. car!) and brought them home on Saturday.  We tested them out last night, when we dined on our chicken pie…and both said they are perfect! (As soon as those flowers are gone, I’ll get out the Thanksgiving decorations…:)

Here I go again...
Goal:  50k words in 30 days!

So, here comes November! And, what happens in November, dear readers? Well, it’s time for NaNoWriMo, of course. The National Novel Writing Month, when challengers attempt to write a 50K-word novel in 30 days, beginning at 12:01 tomorrow morning. Once again…I’m signing up for the challenge. And, once again, I have such high hopes as the month begins.  Will our heroine be able to vanquish the foe or will her life intervene with her best laid plans?

I can already see it happening, and I haven’t even written a word yet! I have three Speakers Bureau gigs over the next 8 days, so I’ve got to be extra vigilant with my time. If you do the math, you’ll see that you must write an average of 1,667 words EACH day in order to reach your goal. I wrote a 500-word (which I then had to edit down to 300...:) article for the North Carolina Master Gardener Volunteer Association state newsletter on Wednesday of last week, and that took me most of the day! I’ll have to be diligent at following the advice of veteran NaNoWriMo’s: DO NOT EDIT, just write!

Easier said than done.

Catching Up

Here come the Blue Devils!

Ah, dear readers, forgive me.  I have been in such a whirl lately that I have neglected my blog...and you.  I can give you numerous excuses, but you've heard them all before.  And, I would rather spend our time together bringing you up-to-date on our adventures.

As you know, Fall brings football...and we have our season tickets to Duke again.  And, once again, their football team, er, struggles to bring a victory home.  It would be frustrating...except it's just so much fun to go to the campus on an Autumn afternoon and see a game. 

We returned home this weekend from a lovely trip to Asheville and the mountains. I attended the NC Master Gardener Volunteer Association's Western Regional Symposium, which was held Wednesday at the NC Arboretum...two "firsts" for me right there.  And, since I was already in the neighborhood, so to speak, I signed up for a class the next day at the Arboretum (what a beautiful place!) on Winter Container Gardening.  A real treat!



Biltmore House...from the front drive

 Of course, if we make it to Asheville, there are two places on my Must Do list:  Yarn Paradise and the Biltmore Estate and Winery.  Check and double-check!  I came home with a bag full of Koigu sock-weight yarn and 3 new patterns from YP (which is located in Biltmore Village).  And, after getting our photo ID's made for our Annual Passes, Mr. T and I spent a lovely day at the Biltmore on Friday before heading back to HPNC.

You might think we'd just relax once we got back home...and we did take it a bit easier on Saturday...but we have so much that needs to be done in the garden this time of year that we couldn't rest too long. 

To prepare for the protection of tender veggies, I got the "ribs" into the rows of lettuce and spinach, ready to receive the row covers when the temps drop below 38 degrees.  Mr. T tilled up several rows in the Way Back garden with the Big Tiller, as well as a nice, new flower bed next to the fence in the back yard with the Little Mantis. He's getting the Way Back ready to plant some new berry bushes and apple trees that we've ordered from the County 4-H...and, we came home from the Biltmore with a new Beautyberry bush (Callicarpa dichotoma, which has bright purple berries galore!), 4 "Scarlett O'Hara" narcissus bulbs, and three new Alive! Hardy Asters that needed a new home...along with the 100 daffodil bulbs I bought a couple of weeks ago.

Using the new potting table Mr. T built for me near the water faucet, I repotted 15 houseplants and then gave numerous herbs haircuts and a good dusting off...in preparation for over-wintering them inside.  I snipped several cuttings of the bright red geraniums on the deck and dipped them in rooting hormone...then put them in some fresh potting soil.  I also took lots of cuttings of the Electric Lime coleus...and new fav of mine.  Hopefully, I'll get lots of new plants next year.

Now, as the temps fall to the lower ranges of the 50's at night...possibly dipping into the 40's even...the population of the screened porch (which is wrapped in plastic sheeting for the Winter) has swelled...and we haven't even moved the palms inside yet. Pretty soon, you won't be able to walk through without being tickled by the fronds of a fern.  Winter weather's a coming', sooner rather than later...:)

Of course, neither of us will be able to move tomorrow...but that's another story for another day.

It's Fall, Y'all!

Hummer on a break

I love this time of the year.  Absolutely. Love. It!  Fall is my fav. Well, until it's a beautiful Spring day after a long, cold Winter...then, I might sing a different song.  But as for now, it's Fall...y'all.

Cooler temps are bringing changes to Casa 3917.  Check out that picture of the hummingbird (right) that was just outside my window this morning while I was having my coffee. He was resting after being at the hummingbird feeder for almost a full minute. He comes regularly to the feeder, now that most of the flowers have stopped producing. Of course, I say that...and then I look out the window at the geraniums on the deck, which are blooming big-time.  They seem to like this reprieve from the heat and humidity that was August.  I'll soon have to give them a severe haircut and bring them in to overwinter.  I did the overwintering part last year...without the cutting back part...and they were too leggy come Spring.  Lesson learned.

The leaves around here are just beginning to change colors, but I understand from our news that the leaves in the mountains of NC are near "peak" color. We saw some pretty leaves as we drove through West Virginia last weekend on our way to Louisville. It’s cooler there, so there were more reds and yellows that we have in our trees.

It was Missy M's birthday on Sunday, so we were with her to celebrate. We went out to eat at the Macaroni Grill on Saturday night, then she requested that I make her pancakes on Sunday morning before we had to return home. Brother T, who lives north of Louisville, was able to join us for dinner, but SIL LaD had to take a rain check.  It was so good to see Bro T...who looked great.  He also remarked that it was good to finally see a smile back on my face. Yes, the little black rain cloud is almost gone now.

Mr. T and Friends Duche$$ and Gus...
on the sofa at Missy M's house

Oh, I wanted to share this picture of Mr. T, sitting on M's sofa with two of the Drool Gang, Duche$$ and Gus, in her living room (right). That quilt on the back of the sofa? She made it!! Here I have been talking about making a quilt "some day," and she just up and does it.  Impressive!

[Regarding the change in the spelling of Duche$$'s name...you see, she's recently had surgery to remove TEN benign cysts...and the bill was more than for Mr's T's recent surgery.  Sigh.  Gotta love'em.]

Back at home on Monday morning, I gave a Master Gardening talk on "Best Practices for the Fall Garden" at the Sumner Garden Club that meets in Greensboro at the Rehobeth United Methodist Church (which has been on that location since 1806).  They are a warm and welcoming group, and I like to think we all had a good time.  Volunteering for MG Speakers Bureau gigs is so fulfilling for me...I do hope that the audience members get something out of it, too.

Of course, talking about gardening isn’t nearly as much fun as actually gardening. I told you about planting our Fall vegetable garden in the Way Back in a recent post. Well, everything is up and growing now! It looks so pretty when I take my morning coffee out there…and I can’t wait to have our first Fall salad from the lettuces.


Mostly green tomatoes...
destined to be
Green Tomato Relish


I brought back a big bucket of mostly-green tomatoes (see the picture, left) from M’s garden. Louisville is a little cooler than we are here in NC, so she'll get frost before we do. She had a LOT of green tomatoes still on her vines in her garden, and she didn’t know what to do with all of them. I plan on making several jars of Green Tomato Relish (recipe below)…which I just love on those Black-Eyed Peas for New Year’s Day. I hope I have enough of jars to give a few away as Christmas gifts, too. We’ll see

It is so hard to believe that in just 12 weeks, we will be finishing up this year. I brought my amaryllis plant inside on Monday, hoping to force it into bloom by Christmas day. I just think they are such magnificent plants, don’t you? Momma always loved them…and enjoyed getting them to bloom again the next year. I’ve never done it "on my own," without her instruction, so keep your fingers crossed that it works

Speaking of the Holidays, conventional grief counseling says that one needs to keep busy, especially heading into the Holidays, and to pay attention to family rituals and traditions, which Momma loved. I know it will be hard, but we’ll make it.  I can say that with much more conviction than I felt just nine weeks ago tomorrow.

But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let's not forget to enjoy the present season and the fruits of our labors. Fab Fall! Harvest time!  And here's a recipe for you to enjoy, now and later:

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Green Tomato Relish

Ingredients:


24 large green tomatoes...or about 100 Super 100's
3 red bell peppers, halved & seeded
3 green bell peppers, halved & seeded
1 cayenne pepper (opt.)
6 large onions, more or less to taste
1 tablespoon celery seed
1 tablespoon mustard seed
1 tablespoon salt
5 cups white sugar
2 cups cider vinegar
 
Directions:


*In a grinder or food processor, coarsely grind tomatoes, red bell peppers, green bell peppers, and onions. (You may need to do this in batches.) Line a large colander with cheesecloth, place in sink or in a large bowl, and pour in tomato mixture to drain for 1 hour.

*In a large, non-aluminum stockpot, combine tomato mixture, celery seed, mustard seed, salt, sugar, and vinegar. Bring to a boil and simmer over low heat 5-10 minutes, stirring frequently.

*Sterilize enough jars and lids to hold relish (12 one-pint jars, or 6 one-quart jars). Pack relish into sterilized jars, making sure there are no spaces or air pockets. Fill jars all the way to top.

*Screw on lids. Place a rack in the bottom of a large stockpot and fill halfway with boiling water. Carefully lower jars into pot using a holder. Leave a 2 inch space between jars. Pour in more boiling water if necessary, until tops of jars are covered by 2 inches of water. Bring water to a full boil, then cover and process for 30 minutes.

*Remove jars from pot and place on cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool. Once cool, press top of each lid with finger, ensuring that seal is tight (lid does not move up or down at all). Relish can be stored for up to a year.

...adapted from AllRecipes.com 

 

Changes in the Wind

Did I read that right?  The thermometer that registers the temperature from the Way Back Garden said 56 degrees this morning when I came into the Morning Room for my coffee.  Yippee!  I love cooler weather!! It also said that it was 72 degrees inside...way too warm to light up the fire. Drat.

Still, outside the wind was blowing in from the northeast for a change, rustling the leaves that have fallen...not necessarily because of the approach of Fall; more probably because they just were too hot and tired, trying to hang on the trees here at the end of Summer. The Tulip Poplar trees are the biggest contributors to the mess on the deck at the moment.

So what to do, on this day of no appointments?  I decided to finish up my Fall garden planting. Yeah, I know...most people did that several weeks ago.  Since my life has been in flux since June, though, I guess I can be forgiven for not following the seed planting calendar exactly in 2011. 

Mr. T had already cleared, weeded, and tilled several rows for me, so I got busy planting the seeds and onion sets I'd gotten yesterday from Soviero's Tri-County Garden Center (my fav).  I now have peas, beets, 4 kinds of leaf lettuces, collards, 7-Top turnip greens (grown only for the greens...:), and onions.  It can begin raining any time now.

This weather is a bit odd for September, to be sure.  But I'm not whinging about it...no, not me.  I'm too excited about getting to break in Mr. T's birthday present, a new outdoor fireplace!  Noooo, I'll take unseasonably cool weather over, say...a hurricane any day.  Especially since we got our vacation at the beach in between the hurricanes (Irene and Maria) and the dip in temps.



Charleston and Food...
a Great Combination!

We had a wonderful, relaxing, regenerating week in South Carolina.  Missy M, who has been working night and day on a work-related project, joined us as we headed to Charleston, one of our all-time favorite cities, last Sunday.  We got checked into our room, then made our way to the Charleston Crab House for dinner.  We did a little shopping in the Market area, then went to the Battery to complete our mini-tour.  Unfortunately, Knit! was closed, so no knit-shop shopping today.

The next morning, we turned north on US 17 toward Myrtle Beach, our destination for the week.  Along the route, we stopped in Georgetown, SC for lunch at another fav, The River Room. 



Missy M checks out the menu at
The River Room in Georgetown, SC

This restaurant has great food...and a fantastic view of the river dock and harbor (see photo, right).  We were fortunate to get a window table, so we got to watch the boats...and the clouds...on this beautiful special day.  You see, it was both Mr. T's birthday and Labor Day...a holiday in every sense of the word!

Back on US 17, we stopped to shop in Pawleys Island Shoppes, the home of the original Pawleys Island hammocks.  We got our "shabby chic" T-shirts/sweat shirts...and tried to go to Island Knits, only to find it, too, was closed.  What's going on here?  Was Mr. T calling ahead??  Ah well...

Enough already.  Let's see some sand and ocean, for goodness' sakes!


We made it to Myrtle!


Just a few more miles north, we came to our destination, The Hampton Inn and Suites, on the South Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach.  Never been here before, since we usually stay away from the craziness that can be MBSC, choosing saner Litchfield to the south.  But, we thought it would be OK since things change around Labor Day...the official end of Summer around here.  And, we were right!

This is a fabulous place!  We had a large room on the 11th floor, with two comfy queen beds, a fridge and microwave, and a balcony looking out on the ocean...complete with two rocking chairs!  There are 4 pools, 2 lazy rivers, and a whirlpool on the property, and the beach access is easy-peasy:  walk out of the door on the lower level...you're there!  Comfortable areas, indoors and out, with rocking chairs and hammocks to read those beach-books (or, in the case of Mr. T and Missy M...those Kindles and iPads...:).  They had a two breakfast areas to service all the rooms in the two towers; full breakfast is provided in the room rate.  And the very best part?  Didn't cost a dime...nope, nada...all on Mr. T's Hilton Honors points.  I love a bargain, don't you?



Sunrise over the Atlantic...
last morning in Myrtle

 It was exactly what we all needed. That photo (right) of the sunrise over the Atlantic, taken on our last morning, says it all.

And, I am happy to report that we did finally find a knit shop that was open:  Knitting Up A Storm in North Myrtle Beach.  Stopped by on our way out of town.  Two of us loved it...one of us chose to wait in the hot car.  Bet you can guess who is who.  I got this yummilicious yarn called Cocoon by Rowan in colorway Seascape...which I thought would help me recall a warm, beach day when there's snow on the ground; it's an 80/20 merino wool and kid mohair combo.  They had a free pattern for it that I am using to knit a braided cowl.  So far, so good!

Gardening. Travel. Knitting. Good times with family. Sounds like things are back to normal.  Well, maybe not "back," but certainly on their way.

It helped to have reclaimed the front bedroom as a guest bedroom, setting up the bed where the hospital bed used to be; sorted and donated most of Momma's hanging clothes; and cleaned and cleared the front bathroom...all of which I was able to do before we left on vacation.  And, when we got back to HPNC from SC, Missy M tackled the chore of sorting the dreaded jewelry drawer.  She found several of Nana's things she wanted to keep, so that did my heart good.  Now, the only big chore left on the list is "finish cleaning out the dresser drawers"...and I know I can handle that one soon.

It's been six weeks today, and I still think about Momma several times each day.  About how much she would have loved going to the beach.  About how she would have wanted to turn the fireplace on this morning, even if it was too warm in the house.  About how she would have been excited that it was football time again...and that the Braves are probably going to see some post-Season action.

The difference now is that I am noticing many, many more smiles and fond memories...far, far fewer tears and sad thoughts.  The bereavement counselor is right:  it IS a process, and everyone's experience in dealing with the changes is different.

Indeed.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back...Regroup and Repeat

It's been a fairly good week, overall. Mostly positive, for sure.  Some unexpected, overwhelming emotions that have caused me to hit the 'pause' button, too.  Ah well...such is life, dealing with grief, right?

Let's start with a positive, even though it's out of order on the calendar.  On Tuesday, after I had attended a Master Gardener wrap-up/planning ahead Plant Sale meeting at the Extension Center (way the heck on the other side of the county, mind you...:-), I dashed to the Moose Cafe out at the Piedmont Triad Farmer's Market to meet a couple of EMGVs at noon for a country lunch (I had the fried chicken, mashed potatoes & gravy, and green beans...yummmmm!  I just wish they would serve yeast-rolls instead of the rather bland biscuits...but you can't have everything, now can you?).  One of them is expecting her second child ANY MINUTE NOW, and I had knitted up a little outfit to welcome Baby M to the world.


5 Hour Baby Sweater Set
for Baby M


I used the 5 Hour Baby Sweater (or 5HBS, in knit-speak) patterns and some warm, washable Cascade 220 wool in hot pink and grass green to create a sweater, bonnet, and booties (see photo, left).  I enjoy knitting these patterns because they are fast and coordinated, and not just garter stitch...but I'm not sure what planet someone knitted these in only five hours!  I'm a pretty fast knitter...and I'm guessing it took at least three times as long to complete the outfit as written (only change I made was to use two colors instead of one...everything else was as written...honest...:).  OK, so I did knit the pieces while watching TV...so what else is new?  Still, I think it turned out as I'd hoped for, and the MG Mom seemed pleased to receive the gift.  Since she's moving to Michigan soon, I'm thinking the wool will be welcomed.

Other good things have included a working-lunch meeting about Speakers Bureau with MGer JA on Monday here in High Point, and a meeting with the MG Rose Garden Project Team in the lovely Learning Center in the Legacy Garden on Wednesday.  Yes, I did go back out to Burlington Road again the very next day.  My car knows the way...what else can I say?

We are working our way through all the tasks necessary to make our presentation on the rose garden on October 5th.  The biggest task for this project has been to identify the roses that we already have planted there.  Hard to imagine, but there is no written record that we can locate.  Well, we're gonna take care of that!  And, we will be ordering and planting a few more later this month...now that's exciting!  Because it has been decided to table the Earthkind (c) Trial Rose Garden I mentioned in my last post for a while, I'm happy to be a part of planting some new bushes.

Are you detecting a theme here?  You would be on to something if you observed that Master Gardening is getting me through this difficult time in my life. And I am thankful for this group and their support more than I can say.

Anyway...



A return trip to say Thank You...

The step back?  Well, it all started with that trip last Friday to see the Bereavement Counselor at Hospice.  I had baked some Triple Chip Cookies (recipe below) to take to the staff, many of whom I had not had the chance to say 'goodbye' and 'thank you' since Mom died at 4:00 a.m. - several hours before the Day Shift came in on that Friday, four weeks ago today.  So, before my appointment, I went into the Hospice Home to deliver the cookies and my appreciation...and to return a book that I'd found in my knitting bag.  I hugged in at the Team Station and all was well, if only a bit wet from the tears.  I got to see several of Momma's nurses, aides, her doctor, and the social worker...and I felt as surrounded by their love and care as I had before.

Then, I took the book back to the desk (a beautiful Bob Timberlake design, by the way) where I'd found it in the Sun Room...and that route took me right past Momma's room.  Of course, another family was there with their family member.  But I didn't need to enter the room to have all those feelings come flooding back.  Whoosh!

Apparently, I tamped them down into my subconscious, because I really didn't talk about that experience with Amanda the Counselor.  It was too new, too raw to discuss so soon, I suppose.  But every day this week, I have tried to do a little work in Momma's rooms...and each night after I do that, I have very vivid dreams about the morning she died...in Room 101.  And, then to top it all off, after the landscapers arrived yesterday to make quick work of cleaning up the Way Back, I just dissolved into a puddle when I came inside and thought about how that area had been my refuge from all my caregiving responsibilities.  So, the grieving is definitely not over...not by a long shot. Sigh.

I'm so lucky to have Mr. T by my side this week so that I don't have to deal with all of this on my own. Where would I be without him?  And, since he has his own moments, he appreciates being able to talk about those to someone close to the issue. That's where Happy Hour in the Morning Room (no, not in the morning...:-) comes to the rescue.  He's doing his end-of-the-month, end-of-the-quarter stuff, so he has to be close to home...most of the time.  Today, he was off to Charlotte so early that he said he'd get his coffee on the road instead of making a pot at the crack o' dawn.  But, he'll be home in plenty of time for Friday Night Pizza and Beer!

And, we are both getting excited about this weekend, when Missy M and my grand-dogs Ella Rae and Dixie come for a long visit.  Woo hoo! We've got something special planned for the next week, especially since this is Mr. T's birthday week...more on that in my next post.



Can you see them?
Two rainbows over High Point!

So, I regroup...because I can't be too sad for too long. I have lots of people and support and activities to help move me forward...to keep me from sliding back too far.

And, I have faith.

Speaking of which, I forgot to share this photo I took as we were returning to HPNC after Momma's funeral.  Remember...we saw a Double Rainbow last September, just about this same time, when we were in Maui?

Two sets of double rainbows in one year?! I'm so lucky!    Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket...:-)


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Triple Chip Cookies

1 stick of butter, softened
3/4 cup brown sugar, packed
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 1/4 cup self-rising flour
1 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup butterscotch chips
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1 cup pecans, chopped (opt.)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Line cookie sheet(s) with parchment paper. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and sugars together.  Add eggs, one at a time, and continue to beat until fluffy. Add vanilla and mix in.  Slowly, add in flour until well-blended.  Stir in chips and nuts; blend thoroughly.

Using a cookie scoop (or small ice cream scoop), form cookies on cookie sheets.  I can usually get 11 or 12 cookie "balls" on a sheet.  Bake for 11-13 minutes, or until lightly browned.  Do NOT overbake.  Remove from oven, and allow to cool on the cookie sheet for at least 2 minutes.  Remove cookies to baking rack(s) to finish cooling.  Store in airtight container to keep soft and chewy. 

This recipe makes enough for 24-30 large cookies. You can even freeze 1/2 of the recipe (after forming the cookies) for baking at a later date.  Enjoy!

Before...and After

The Before...


Hurricane Irene


Before I get too deep into this post, let me reassure those of you who are here because you are concerned about how Hurricane Irene might be impacting us.  We here in the Piedmont of NC are high-and-dry, and only a wee bit wind-blown.  As of mid-morning on Saturday, we have had wind gusts reach 32 mph, and if any raindrops have fallen, they have escaped notice.

Now, that's a mixed blessing in a way.  We are sooooo dry here that we almost wish we could get some of that rain that is falling currently at the coast...over 6 inches already at Wilmington, which wasn't even in the direct path of Irene.  Further inland, before this is all over, there will be significant flooding, especially in the towns on the sounds. I noticed yesterday that they were letting water out of Oak Hollow Reservoir (close to our house) and into the oddly-named Deep River, I suppose in anticipation of getting more water coming in than it could hold?  Don't think that's going to be an issue, though.  Ah, well.

And now to the After of the title.

I am happy to report that Mr. T survived his first major earthquake and the aftershocks.  On Tuesday of this week when the 5.9 quake struck the East Coast, he was in the Richmond area (of ALL places...:-), about 6 miles from the epicenter, preparing for a New Dealer Installation.  He sent me a text right away...and that was my confirmation of what had just rattled our house here in HPNC, long before our own news channel began to report it.  I was just sitting down to a late lunch when the house and all its contents rumbled and shook...and I thought "was that an earthquake?"  Don't think I've felt one of those since my Memphis days!  Of course, I grew up practically on top of the New Madrid fault, so earthquakes like this one were not unusual.  He, on the other hand, has only felt a few in his lifetime...and none as strong as the one this week.

As an aside, I do have to report something I read in the GSO paper on Wednesday.  They couldn't tell us what the magnitude of the quake was in the Piedmont.  Know why?  Well, it seems that the seismometer at NCA&T (the only one in this area) wasn't even turned on.  "Didn't need it." Wonder if they've plugged it in yet, after the fact?

Well, three weeks after Momma's death, I feel as if I am stepping out of a fog into the sunshine.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I am concentrating on volunteering to draw me along my path through grief.  I have been participating in a variety of Master Gardening volunteer activities and have signed up for several more.  One of the major commitments I have made is to be on a committee of three that will bring the new Earthkind(r) Rose Trial Garden to life over the next year...a first in the state of North Carolina!  I won't go into great detail now; you will be hearing way more about that in the next 12 months, I'm sure. If you just can't wait, follow that link to the home of the Trials at Texas A&M. (Oh, I know that set one Aggie's heart a-flutter, didn't it?  :-)

And yesterday, I had my first session with Amanda, the Hospice Bereavement counselor...lovely lady.  Thankfully, she had boxes of tissues placed strategically about her office; however, I didn't need quite as many of them as I had anticipated.  She asked me several thought-provoking questions, listened to my answers, and in general made me feel that I was on the right track.  She gave me some suggestions and a reading list.  I will have another one-on-one session with her, then I will join a group called Healing Hearts.  More on that in future posts, too.

I can also report that I have made it through the clothes in Mom's closet.  ATT, my BFF from childhood, gave me some great advice based on her own grief experience:  don't be too quick to complete this chore.  After her mother died, circumstances required her to move quickly on going through her Mom's things, and now she wishes she'd been able to take a little longer. Thanks, A, for sharing that with me...and giving me permission to slow down!

It's so much better to know these things before...rather than after, don't you agree?

Today is the First Day...

Today is the first day...of the rest of your life?  You know, I never really understood that saying, the original of which was attributed to 60's Synanon cult guru Chuck Dederich.  But it made a great marketing slogan, didn't it? My roommate at USM in the early 70's had a poster with that saying, and I used to stare at the words and try to understand them. Over-analyzing them..something I have been accused of doing with probable cause, I would wonder: Well, of course...isn't every new day the "first" day of the rest of your life?  Silly, really.

I prefer to think of it in other terms...

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

~Cherokee Indian Proverb

or, possibly even...

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

~Babatunde Olatunji, a similar version is also attributed to Alice Morse Earle

Hey, I love history...and I love a good mystery.  And what's not to like about presents??

Anyway...

Today is the first day... in a very long time that I awoke after 8 full hours of sleep.  Granted, I roamed the house until after midnight and didn't get to bed until nearly 1:30 a.m., and it took me a little while to settle down and fall asleep.  Since Mr. T was out of town, I was on my own for the first time.  He's been so good about scheduling and rescheduling...and re-rescheduling his work in order to get back home for the night, so I wouldn't be alone overnight.  Well, as alone as one can be with 3 rather large hounds in the house and on the bed.  But, last night, tag...I was it.  And I didn't particularly care for being it. So, there is work to be done in this area.  Still, work can always be done better on a good night's sleep, don't you agree?

Today is the first day... I made coffee for one.  Before June 9th, even when Mr. T was out of town, Momma and I had our morning coffee, usually made in the French Press instead of the drip-o-lator. I used to do 4 scoops to a whole carafe filled with boiling water, and it was just right...meaning it was a bit on the strong side, which is how I prefer my coffee, since I typically drown it in milk.  Ahem.  After Momma went to the Hospice Home, I just got my coffee fix in their kitchen; I even kept a "real" coffee mug there so I wouldn't have to use a Styrofoam cup.  So today I put a couple of scoops of Eight O'Clock's Columbian in the bottom of the French Press and poured it about half-full of boiling water. Hmmm..not quite right.  I still have some work to do on those measurements.

And, today is the first day... I laughed instead of cried when I forgot.  I was loading the laundry, and before I pressed the Start button, I headed into Momma's bathroom to gather her basket of dirty clothes to add to the machine.  Got all of the way from the laundry room to the bathroom door before I realized what I was doing.  Oops.  I am happy to report that no tears were shed at the time.  I just shook my head, turned on my heel, and chuckled back to where I'd started. 

Don't get me wrong...I'm quite capable of an afternoon shower or two, especially while reading the sweet and comforting cards that are still arriving in our mailbox daily.  But, even that is getting better.  Earlier this week, I received a card from a Master Gardener friend from Greensboro...a classy & sassy woman, who has nurtured me through the internship process even though she scarcely has time to breathe because she is so busy, and who had not known Momma personally.  In it, she thanked me for sharing Mom's life story in the Tribute Picture Album...and then she wrote:  "sounds like she was a helluva broad...must run in the family!"  I'm not sure whether the tears were rolling because I was laughing so hard or what!  Way to go, JA! You made my day!!

Oh yes, dear readers, my grief is still present, front and center. I'm not going to get past it in a mere two weeks.  You see, I lost both my mother and my really close companion and girlfriend to cancer at the same minute of the same hour on August 5, 2011. And, my job as caregiver ended forever with her last breath. Talk about your life-altering changes.

But, I also know that I have an opportunity to write this new chapter, too. My fingers are poised over the keyboard, and I have a blank page in a new document and an unsaved file in a folder named The Rest of My Life. [That's the 21st century version of a clean pad of paper and a newly-sharpened pencil...:)]

What will my new chapter say? How will tomorrow differ from today? I'm not sure...yet. But, given some time and guidance, I'll be able to answer those questions and more.

Guiding me as I work through my grief, I have been tapping into available resources, especially the SUNRISE articles on the Shackelford Funeral Home's website.  In the one entitled About Grief...The Rebuilding of Life, I have especially connected with Suggestion #4, Create and Build a New Life for Yourself. Here's an excerpt (the emphasis is mine):

Many find volunteer work very fulfilling. This provides one with an opportunity to invest himself/herself in others which is very therapeutic and fulfilling. Once you pass through this gate you will be well on your way toward recovery, and it will be accompanied by a feeling of deep joy. Keep in mind that you are in control of your life and that you have the constant option of reviewing and revising your plans.

As an Extension Master Gardener Volunteer (EMGV), I have an abundance of opportunities to "invest (myself) in others."  I took advantage of a couple of those yesterday: a training class to learn the newest Speakers Bureau presentations in the morning, followed by a 3-hour shift on the Infoline in the afternoon.  It was so "therapeutic and fulfilling" that I signed up to be the presenter for several programs September-November.  I also have a couple of Gardening articles to write in the next few weeks.  I'll keep you posted on all of those.

And, I even though I haven't gotten Mom's rooms cleared yet, I am following the advice in Suggestion #2,  "Building on Your Beginning." 

As you make a simple beginning in your recovery you will slowly and gradually begin to regain confidence, balance, and self-esteem, and, in time, you will once again begin to feel alive. Remember, this process takes place gradually. Take things slowly and in stride. “Easy does it,” is a wise old adage that applies here. Do not be bothered by slight regressions. Progress does not occur in a steady, upward swing, but a gradual up-and-down movement that progresses upward.

My darling daughter reminded me that there was no hurry.  I made my way through a good portion of Momma's closet, but I just had to stop. Too painful. Too soon. But, at least I began.

And so, today is the first day... that I began to feel alive again.